House of Cards: December 4th, 2009 Borgata

(forewarning: this is a loser's story .. jus sayin')

"I don't wanna be your friend
I just wanna be your lover
No matter how it ends
No matter how it starts..."

I didn't plan on listening to Radiohead for the dreary, long ride back home to Newark (100 exits on the GSP: 40 to One hundred fourty-five). On the way down to A.C., I tried to boost myself up with some Metallica and whatever mix of rap/pop/rock was on the radio. Z100.3, KTU-103.5, Power105.1, 92.3NOW (used-to-be-rock), 101.9RXP, 96.5. But coming back home was a different story, and I didn't feel like changing the last CD I had in my player or browsing for shite music (the last thing I wanted to hear before shitting endlessly on the Black Eyed Peas was "I gotta feeling... that tonight's gonna be a good good night" (the biggest jinx ever created, btw). Radiohead was probably just what I pathetically needed.

But regardless, Karma Police, a gentle fuck you because This Is What I Get: I had a million eerie feelings about heading down to AC before I left, but the surface just said, "Fuck it all. Let's just go." Earlier in the day on this Friday, I didn't finish my paper, I didn't do well on my exam, I had an essay to write for my Saturday morning class, my ex-girlfriend selfishly persuaded me, without words, to stay in with her and not hit AC last week, the Wednesday before Thanksgiving... So, AC here we come!

It's 8:30pm.
I checked my bank account and I still had to deposit a check from my new job I just got in November. The job is at a warehouse and the hourly pay is pretty good. It's the most I've ever earned (*takes a quick nap before going into work*)... ... (okay, where was I -- ) So I go to my local bank in Newark and cautiously take out a withdrawal from the check I deposit: $500 for traveling, food, and 2X$200 buy-ins. I plan on playing for a maximum of 4 hours, which should give me enough time to write my essay in the morning before I go to my first class... That means get there by 11pm and play at most until 3am. My goal is to make $30-$40/hour and leave when I reach around $150. No one knows I'm going as I'm supposedly working tonight.

It's 9pm.
The drive is smooth with very little traffic but freezing. I'm glad I'm wearing a sweater because my driver's side window does not close fully (I still have yet to fix that but have learned to live with it, and when it's parked I use a dark, heavy rain jacket). I get off exit 40 of the GSP to take 30-East towards Absecon. This strip is along swamps with cheap motels and fast restaurants... I wonder what it would feel like to sleep-in and stay another day in AC for $30 (once in the summer, I slept in the backseat in the Taj parking deck... I woke up at lunch time and played with my farts smelling like parking-deck piss and gas fumes). Then I see Borgata in the distance: its high-rise, purple glow standing out to me from all the other casinos.

11pm.
I park on the top floor with the sky-view and by a security camera because of my vulnerable, driver's-side window. I am comfortable walking into the casino and not as jittery as I used to be. To me, I had to make this "another day at the office." But I need to take a piss and the heater in my car was not enough to keep me warm. After walking by the "gamblers," taking a piss, checking my "image" in the bathroom mirror, and refilling my body-heat, I meander through the "tourists" and try to keep my head straight for the poker room. I'm a little distracted by the women walking around with their fancy asses softly-petted by thin fabric and boosted by 10inch heels. I try to mock the other guys for being so easily influenced because usually I just don't get give a fuck.

Open-seating.
Everything and everybody was just how I left it... The last time I played was back in early-August when I lost most of my money to a wood-brained, ogre who's my age but looks like one of those high-school offensive linemen who never passed pre-addition/subtraction math class. I had this guy in the bag as a calling-station, but I still tried to bluff him (who's the dumb-fuck now?). I had TT in dealer-position and called his $15 with him in middle-position. I think I put him on Jacks-best and maybe Big Slick. I could have folded, but I wanted to hit my set badly especially with him on a winning streak. I had beaten him earlier an hour ago with this hand when I called down his A-J miss, and now we were supposedly best of friends. So I thought I had the best of him, but I guess he was really being polite when he check-raised me with a flop of K-7-3, just-doubling my $30 flop bet to $60 total. I try to scare him with a call, and an Ace hits the Turn. He still bets $60. But I'm feeling like he should be scared of that Ace. So I stack my chips "high-tower" style, and go All-In with about $200 on top. He thinks for a little, and I can tell he's going to call. He does. I say, "nice hand," and he dumbly replies, "doi, I thought you had pocket-Kings." ... He had Ace-King... I walk over to my sister-in-law (who is a poker-fiend and who I was going to AC with most of this past summer) and regretfully ask for my last $200 that she was holding for me. The rest, that night, was history...

The Start.
Okay, so here I am... Back to where nobody was waiting for me because everybody else was already just playing their game. I have no heart beat. My jitters only lasted 2-minutes, and all I wanted to do was sit down and fucking play. I get one of my favorite seats on the end of the table seat#2 where I can view the stage-seaters and just barely make out seat#10. My most favorite and "profitable" seat is actually seat#10 directly to the right-side of the dealer where I feel "protected." We got $1100 semi-conservative-now-that-I-have-chips-but-I-play-Baccarat-Asian-Old-Man in seat#9 across the way, and $500-in-the-chip-rack, super-conservative-I-won-this-in-one-hand-Indian-Jew in seat#3 directly to my left. His Indian-friend sits directly to my right with $300 in seat#1. Seat#8 is a guy I played with before who looks like a Donald Trump who gambled too much in life but is very passive (I won't be talking much about him, but he gave some action to the table). Seat#7 is another pre-senior citizen man who looks like he hates teenagers and has a sucky-marriage (he reluctantly wears his wedding ring), and he gets no respect except when he bluffs big. Everyone else is newbie A-B-C poker. I'm looking to be cautious but still play with Asian-Old-Man.

(I can't believe I actually put this much thought into the players when I play... Perhaps I just feel it All-Out...)

The hands.
(in seat#2 with $200)
1.)
Fold-fold-fold... The table looks dead. Not much action, and then I get KJ-suited in the small-blind and bump it to $10 against the BB and three other $2 callers. It's heads-up against the one-caller: the Asian-Old-Man from the Far-East seat#9. Low-cards come out (6-4-2) and I'm already telecasting that I've either missed or got pocket 10's. He "makes sure" and I'm pretty sure that he's not trying to bluff me but figure out where I'm coming from being its my first real hand and first real bet. He throws out the pot: $30. It looks odd but still hyper-defensive (not bluff-like). I don't want to act like I had to think much about this as I wanted people to know that when I play back you better watch the fuck out. I look at him, then my cards real quick, then fold.
...
(one big hand an hour -- please) fold-fold-fold
...
2.)
I play 6-8 spades in dealer position with a lot of blind-callers. Flop: 7c-5s-As. SB checks, middle-position bets $15 like he has a weak Ace, I call thinking "heads-up" and a $medium-to-none$ Turn bet... but then the SB raises to $60. I didn't see that coming... Damn I wanted a Turn and a possibly cheap River. The two of us fold.
...
3.)
I'm about $170 in chips... pocket 5's in Late Position and Seat#1 super-conservative senior-citizen raises to $12 against 3 prior blind-callers who look willing to loose-call the raise. I want to play the hand but put him on Pocket Jacks, which means I'd really be banking on a Set with no chance at bluffing especially if the other 3 priors hit their weak Aces or try to over-protect a made-Middle-Pair on the flop. An Ace, King, or Queen on the flop can't help me bluff since its not heads-up. Flop: Q-5-6. Arggghhh -- but I reassure myself it was a good fold and think nothing of it. Anyway, this is what happens: Senior-citizen Raiser in seat#1 gets checked-to and actually checks. The Turn is another low card and he bets $20 and takes down the pot. I'm pretty sure that Queen scared him.

...time passes, and I made one or two small-value bluffs...

4.)
I'm about $180 in chips...
Ah-Jd in middle-position. I call the $2 and we see a flop with 3 guys in front and 2 guys after me: Qc-10s-3d. Check-check-check, I feel like representing the queen but wouldn't mind calling $10 but I still check, and the two after me check-check. Turn: King of spades, I've made my nuts-Straight but there is a possible spade-flush draw. Seat#7 sucky-marriage bets $20. Asian-Old-Man calls. I ponder, then announce, "Raise... 40." I want to keep them in the hand and get them to either make two pair or a lower straight. Then again, I don't want another spade... They are both mad-weak, and $50 might lose someone with $60-plus making them weary of their weak, flush-draws. The rest folds to them and both of them call the extra $20 with me in the last-to-act going into the River: a blank card. (I want my aggro-image, I want my money, and I want my MTV.) I bet $65 after they both check slowly to me... (Should I have "value-betted" $40 or even $20??) They quickly folded as if one of them was hoping to make their set of deuces on the River, haha. That was about a $130 pot.
...
now the whole table Wakes-Up, edge-of-the-seat style, like we've reached the climax in a movie theater.

5.)
I'm almost $300 in chips. The thought of leaving now hits me. It's been about an hour of play and I could go home early -- content. But why did I drive 2 hours here with 2 more back? What kind of glory is this -- $100 ahead?
...
I get Ad-5d in middle-to-late position. It's a $2-Flop with 4 other guys, one of them ahead of me: 5c-5h-2c. SB sucky-marriage bets $18. Trump folds. Asian-Old-Man Big-Stack calls. I hint to both of them, "fuck-you-come-check-me-out" with $44 Total. SB folds... its heads-up to the Turn with Asian-Old-Man on what looks like a possible, weak-trips or a club-draw or a straight-draw (hey, he could have 3-4). I give him a deep stare, our eyes lock, and I wait for him to crack, but now he has to look at the Turn. It looked like he was trying to act like he could maintain eye-contact.
****
The Turn:
King of Hearts comes out, and he looks like he's going to bet but then checks in a "don't-you-dare-bet" kind-of way. I was actually scared at this point. What if he called under-the-gun pre-flop with K-5 suited?? Hmmm... But he's been respecting everyone at the table and playing non-aggressively pre-flop with a drawing-cards image. What the fuck do I do? Should I check/bet/fold? (just kidding about the folding)... He's the BIG STACK here and I may have brain-fucked him a little with my $65 River bet a couple hands ago, but then again in that particular hand he genuinely folded with more respect than none. Okay -- his funny look says he just wants to play nice and see a river. But what if he is hoping to check-raise a Full-House? No-no-no... he doesn't seem to have a full-house. So I make the USUAL-Pathetic-tax-bet of $45 on the Turn. He thinks and in that split-second I sense weakness like he almost-folded.
****
The River:
... a Jack of Clubs. I forget where my eyes went after that, but I remember him sliding his $100 stack smoothly along the green felt across the invisible bet-line. Within five seconds I said in my head "fold"... my eyes peared down to my cards with my fingers soon-to-touch them. More-than-likely he has the flush because he feels like he already had me all-the-way: his confidence boosted upon that River. Then I decided to act like I was going to call... That's when I started re-thinking my situation and he looked weaker. Is he trying to bluff me? Does he have 5-7 but want to represent the flush and steal the pot away? Did he miss his straight draw with 3-4? He did a great job at not giving information, and instead, he let me do the fooling. There were some moments he glanced weak/strong. I stacked my chips in what I thought were 4 stacks of $25 but were actually 4 stacks of $20 leaving me with about $65 left when I thought it was $85 left. Damn... I couldn't even count my chips, and I could feel my head drowning down, which in the past has always told me to fold and I have always told it to call. I couldn't even look at the Man. I stacked my chips ready to push in the "$100" (it was $80), and I glanced at him with no new information gathered. I told myself, call-call-call... so what! Let's just see what he has, I want to see what he has! I give him props, let me see it... I called. He seemed surprised. What do you think he had??... (just think about it a split-second.)
...
So what did he have? Well, it was A-3 of Clubs: flopped a straight draw and a flush draw. Everyone else put me as second-best flush or trip 5s. He wasn't scared of a full-house. I Lost. Now that I think about it, in that moment I should have asked myself the perceptual-percentages (a term I'm making up now)... My perceptual-percentage that he has a weak hand or is bluffing: 35%. It was a $100 bet from a neo-conservative Big Stack; he called my bets like he was drawing; he didn't smile pleasingly before I called, he acted slightly, genuinely worried. But only slightly was there facial information... most of the information I already had within me in 5 seconds... My whole life has been about peripheral analysis and not having to look people directly in the face to get a feeling. I cower within myself when I feel threatened or weak. What's so bad about folding that River and playing with about $165?? I guess "all I'm really thinking about is Vegas and the fucking Mirage."
...
What should I have done on the Turn? Checked? Bet $75? Pushed All-In for $165? I would like to think it would have been awesome to push All-In. But even in that moment, I wasn't fully sure if he had me or not. On the Turn, I only felt 60/40 over him. Was taxing him on the Turn $45 worth it? Yes. It showed semi-strength but meant I should be willing to throw away on the River (which I didn't even do). A check -- checking would mean he sees a free River with me looking weaker, which could limit his River bet to about $60 for value (where I would 75/25 fold but still not feel bad about calling). All-In would have just been fucking sweet because more-than-likely after-the-fact he would have folded, but in a way, I wanted to tax him and for him to miss the River and just check to me. I knew he respected me and would check on the River if he missed. Did I get greedy? I don't really know.
...
What should I have done on the River? Folded. It wasn't worth $100 to see a 35% bluff. That's most of my stack gone right there. But apart from that, my initial 5-second gut and post-5-second drowning said "Fold." What was it that pushed me? Where is this curiosity coming from? What happened to my love and care? My image was -- I don't know. I looked like I handled the bad news pretty well, and it looked like I called $100 for the table to see HIS hand -- not mine. Damn.

6.)
A couple small pots, a couple lucky Turns. I'm at about $70. A new, Asian lady in her late-20's comes in on Seat#6 to join the stage seaters. She's cute but not your typical, Asian-pocket-poodle-kinda-cute. The Asian Old Man sees a couple hands, then leaves. Donald Trump is gone. A young, buff guy comes in on Seat#5. Asian lady looks fried, and she's in with about $100. She tries to give off the "I'm a conservative woman who only plays with pocket Aces" look, which only lasts for 10 minutes when we get to see her loose call pre-flop and suck ass on the Flops.
...
I get KK under-the-gun. Call $2 softly. Asian lady raises to $13. Table folds around to me. This is so easy, I already know what I'm going to do... but let's talk about it. I could re-raise to $35, but why should I? I'm putting her on pocket-Jacks. Standard re-raise would be $30 to $40. If I re-raise, I don't have much other than a similar bet left: my last $30/$40, and I look like I slow-played Aces or Kings. I'm definitely not flat-calling in early position (maybe against another player or in different circumstances). Now, I can already tell she is committed to her hand, "and she won't be pushed around." So what do I do: "I'm All-In."
...
I'm All-In because it looks like I have Ace-King or a weak pair and am trying to bully her now that everyone folded to me to beat her up. She thought for about 20-seconds, but I already knew. I knew I had her after 5 seconds of her pondering, and even then she already seemed like she wanted to insta-call. But for some reason, I got this weird vibe like I didn't want her to call after her 20-seconds... It's as if I didn't want to get bad-beated or something and her wishful-thinking would actually affect the next 8-cards out of the deck.
...
She calls... I'm holding onto my cards for dear life! I'm praying for low, crap cards... The cards come out fast, but all I see is an Ace that scares me. My eyes daze quick over the 5-communities: its A-K-10, 3, Q. She looks joyous. The Queen on the River... got her... the straight. I turn over my set of Kings and she is pleased with her pocket-Jack-offs. I say, "Nice hand," and she gleens back like she wants to suck my dick and marry me. My God!
...
Can't feel bad about that, can I? But I feel like this shit was written. That I was supposed to lose tonight as punishment, lol. But God doesn't punish for any reason as I've learned from my Western Lit research paper on the Book of Job. And I can safely say that Full-Tilt mode was already on its way before I left Newark to go to AC.

7.)
I re-buy for my last $200. People are weary of me now that I have a full-stack again. I have a one or two good hands and one or two good bluffs. But I'm still about $200.
...
I call the blind with 4s-7s in middle position. Buff young-guy in Seat#5 (conservative, flop-bettor) late-position raises to $12. Early position player Seat#7 sucky-marriage guy calls. I'm loving this. I put #5 on AK or AQ. #7 is on shit, probably Ace-junk or Q-5 suited. #5 likes his own authority and is very ABC. I just have to call.
...
Flop: Jc-8s-3c. #7 checks, I check, #5 bets $15. #7 folds, I contemplate for a second, then smooth-call. He looks worried. At this point he may put me on a Jack or a weaker hand. I am not sure if he has the Jack yet though. Turn brings 2d. I check, he slows down with a check. River brings 8d, and it may look like I missed my club-flush draw if I was on it, but then again I could have made trips or be happy with my Jack. I bet $25 into this $75-something pot. I keep still and easy and watch him reach for his cards slowly, think for 5-seconds watching me, then fold.

8.)
A few hands later, and its the same players. Seat#5 raises to $15 in early position. Seat#7 calls. I want a sexy flop with my 9-10 clubs in the small-blind. This scares #5. #7 is still a jerk-off. The flop comes 9-7-3 rainbow. I check to see what #5 does because I do put him on a high pair like Queens or Jacks. #5 bets $15 (again), and #7 folds. I decide to re-raise to $30 to see where I'm at... He reads this and goes over the top with $50 more making it $80 total. It's $50 to me. Should I release my hand? Do I regret not just flat-calling after his easy $15? Maybe. Because I go All-In.
...
I wanted him to think I could have called with 9-7 or pocket 9's. It's $150 more to him now. He has to think about it. He reaches for his cards like he is going to fold, and that's when I start over-acting like I'm really weak to make him think I want him to think I'm really weak. But I think he used it as a tell for what it was and he says, "You probably have Ace-Nine." I didn't look confident, but he was more committed with his hand and tired of me pushing people around and perhaps got him second-guessing from our previous hand. Maybe it was the weak raise to $30 on the flop that got him to think like that, and maybe he could never see me calling $15 with 9-7 like I could. I wanted him to think I was his friend and would never "do him dirty" like that...
...
He calls and I say, "Good call." The Turn brings an Ace, which scares him, but I show my cards after the River, and he says, "It was a good play," as I say goodnight to the table, and Asian lady watches her dream-guy walk off in the distance to piss on himself... ... ...


The Fall.
"You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss,
but I'll tell you what happens to 'em.
They end up humping crappy jobs on graveyard shifts,
trying to figure out how they came up short..." -- Mike Mc-D.