Amnesia

update on my withdrawn GP = Gameplan post, other failures, but also some positive accomplishments and insights

FAIL!

I wanted to title this post "Failure" because I have not stuck to my gameplan. I did well for three and a half weeks, but something came up to excuse me from sticking to my three set gameplans made in the last post. Everyday, I was supposed to be playing poker, working out, and running until December 31 of this year, but I have failed to stick to what I promised to do. Even though I did not get to prove I could do it, I feel there are still things I managed to do over the last few months and things that I have realized that will help my future. The most important thing I've learned is to take the hit, learn from it, and let go of the pain and be relentless, hence: to have "Amnesia."

I have three excuses for not sticking to my game plan: helping my brother improve his health and well-being as well as supporting him during his job search, many vacations with family, and fear of gaining nothing from doing my gameplan.

The best things I can say about these excuses are that my brother has greatly improved his health; I have become an expert at dealing with people and expressing my true self in ways that others can relate to and enjoy at the same time; and I have done the 12 mile run at least once a week on average. However, practically, I do not have much to show for over the last few months. This is where goals come into play...

What have I not done: I have not sorted out my path to finishing college; I have not proved my perseverance and courage; I have not profited in terms of money or career. I also took a big hit at my best friend's wedding when I screwed up a speech I made that woulda definitely brought it home for who I am and for my family, friends, and loved ones.

What can I be more than proud of: running about 20 miles a week average, working out, not spending money, and great work-family-friend relations. I've been improving my run times, and in under 3 months, I have gone from 8:40 min/miles @ 6.92mph to 6:55 min/miles @8.67mph for the 12 mile run. I have also started weight training in early October (thanks to a new weight room added to my apartment complex) which has already tweaked my running performance. Also, the two weeks after I ruined the wedding speech (which I was completely torn about that night, not even wanting to go back into the reception hall for the dancing part), I broke my running record-times twice and kept my head up high going to work and interacting with others.

I'll be back soon with some more clarity on my bewildered thoughts. But as you can tell, I'm keeping the move on, slipping here and there but not letting it get to me. I was watching a Monday-night NFL game on October 11th, about 3 days after my best friend's wedding, and it was between the Minnesota Vikings and New York Jets. It came down to the end of the 4th quarter, and Brett Favre had to push the ball into the endzone from the other side of the field to take the lead. Sadly, a simple pass that would have lead to a big play was thrown a little too high incomplete, and Favre knew it all too easily. I will not forget what the commentators said about Favre, something along the lines of, "Favre knows he should have made that pass with the receiver having no one ahead of him but open-field. But if you know anything about Favre, he's got amnesia and knows how to best move on to the next play." Knowing of Brett Favre's greatness in the NFL and the pressure he has to face as a Quarterback and team leader, I know this obviously was not the first time he's had to face an upset. The greatest thing is actually that he knows he has been able to make great things happen and that he has to have amnesia and move on to keep making successful plays happen whether in the moment or in the next game or in the next season.

Too often have I seen other people afraid to do what worked for them for fear of having to deal with that bad taste if a failure should be the result. This is what makes you or breaks you, and for those who are successful, it is not that they take fewer losses than everyone else. For myself, I've recognized that my losses will only grow, but only as the residue of my perfect design for making myself the greatest. We all have to develop faith in amnesia to help us move through our mistakes and remember how painless and easy it is to move on and have even more of what it takes to make greatness in ourselves.

--Andrew